What Do I Wish I Could Tell My Teenage Self?

Wow….

The answer to this question in two words is A LOT!

I'm not normally one that likes to talk about my birthday when it is coming up, but this year I am finding myself talking about it quite a bit.  I guess because it is a big one!  Yes, I will say it again- I am going to be the BIG 3-0!  Very soon!!!  So, in honor of this big date that is quickly approaching I am going to be really dramatic and devote this blog post to my "younger years."  More specifically, about a time that is, without a doubt, the most pivotal of my life. The teenage years.  When I think about my teenage years, it seems like they went on forever.  It seems so crazy to me now that it was only a six year period of time, yet it seems like such a huge chunk of my life.  Everything seemed to be such a big deal back then.  I took everything so seriously and so personal.  I did a lot of learning the hard way.  I did a lot of things that I am not proud of.  I often ponder the strong emotions that surround the memories of this time.  Oh how I wish I could've known just a few things then that I know now.  I was thinking about all of these things on my way to work this afternoon, so I decided that maybe I should make a list.  A list of the things that I would tell my teenage self, if that were actually possible.  Who knows, maybe this list might help Lily one day.  I especially hope she reads number 1!!!   :o)~

So here goes…

1.  Listen to your mother!  She might really know what she is talking about.  She loves you so much.  Even if it seems like she is keeping you in prison by not letting you do all those things that seem so important right now, she just wants to protect you from yourself.  She has learned what is really important in life and just wants you to open your eyes and see these things, instead of blindly falling into a dangerous pit.  She wants to be your friend, but she knows that she must do what she has to do to keep you safe first.  She sees the big picture of life.  Save yourself some trouble and learn the easy way!  Don't forget to take the time to tell her how much you love her and thank her for loving you so much.  Even if you don't feel the need to do this now, you will soon.  Trust me!

2.  Humble yourself.  You are not the only person in this world.  The world does not and should not revolve around your wants and needs.  While you may think that life is all about you, it is not.  I know that the things in your life seem like a really big deal right now, but many of them really are not in the whole scheme of life.  There is really no other way to say it.  Don't take things so seriously, because what you are worried about now, really is not that important.  I know you are hormonal, but really, you do not need to cry over everything.

3.  While you do need to be humble, you also need to love and respect yourself and your body.  Take care of yourself.  You deserve it.  Love and respect yourself enough now to avoid doing those things that you have been warned that you will regret one day.  Because you will.  You know what those things are.  The people that you are trying to keep up with and be like, will probably also regret what they are doing one day.  You will thank your 30 year old self one day if you just use your brain, actually think about the real consequences of your actions (they do happen and they will happen to you), and practice some self control.

4.  Don't ever forget that God made you to be exactly who you are.  You do not need to spend, rather waste, the enormous amount of time you do trying to be someone that you are not, to impress someone that really doesn't care.  I know this sounds cliche, but really, you are who you are.  Be yourself.  If people do not like you and you have not given them any reason to not like you, then that is their problem.  You will never, ever please or impress everyone, no matter how hard you try.  And, that is okay.  So, instead of worrying about saying the right things and acting a certain way, just simply be nice and respectful to everyone.  Treat others with respect, no matter how they treat you, and you will earn the respect you want so much!

5.  Don't rush this time away!!!  I know you want to grow up so bad, but enjoy being young and carefree.  You are at a beautiful age where you can have and express your own opinions, go to work, earn money, buy your own things, but still come back home at night and know that your mom and dad are still there to baby you if you need it.  I know it seems like you are stressed out a lot, but try your best to put that stuff in perspective.  Most of it is not stuff you really need to worry about.  It will all work itself out in time.  Relax, lighten up, and have fun!

6.  Friends…. Accept the fact now that most will move on and you will not be BFF's forever.  I know this is a sad concept, but people change.  You will change.  Things just change.  There will be a few special people that you will stay in touch with though.  They will be the ones that love you for who you are and do not try to get you to do things that you don't feel comfortable doing.  These are the ones that respect you.  Quality definitely beats out quantity when it comes to friends.  Please, just remember this.

7.  I would love to tell you not to worry about finding a husband when you are in high school, but you will!  Yes, you will!  He will be your best friend, your confidant.   I will tell you though to respect him and your future marriage enough to save the things that are meant for marriage until the time comes.  If you do this, there will be no regrets.

So, these are the most important things that I wish I could tell my teenage self from my 30 year old perspective.  Funny thing is, most of them remain true now.  I still need to remind myself of a few of these on a daily basis.  I know that everything I went through, or rather, put myself through, helped mold me into who I am today.  For this I am mostly thankful, but I do wish I could have been a bit wiser during those years.  I am so fortunate to have those special people in my life, like my mom, and many other family members and friends that were there to nudge me in the right direction when I needed it most.  I thank God for you all :o)

Now it's your turn!  What would you tell your teenage self?!

Change of Life...

Although my 30th birthday is less than a week away, and I am getting older- the title of this post isn't meant to mean that change of life :o)  But, change is right around the corner for my family and me.   Like during other times of significant change, I have have been feeling a roller coaster of emotions the past several weeks.

For those of you that don't know me well, I am a nurse on a medical floor of our local hospital.  I have worked all kinds of crazy 4, 8, and 12 hour, day, evening, and night shifts, as well as a ton of weekend shifts over the past several years in an effort to stay home with my sweet babies as much as possible.  It has been worth every minute of it.  I currently am staying home with them during the day and working late into the evening several nights a week.  This has worked out wonderfully since Caleb was born and am very grateful that I did not have to put him in daycare when he was itty bitty.

That is not to say that I did not consider doing so though.  Yes, I almost made a major change several months ago.  When I was on maternity leave with Caleb, I was looking at job openings one day and I saw that a job I had been eying for literally years was open again!  I knew that this job would be full time and primarily day shift, which could be a great thing.  However, it would also mean daycare/preschool for my kids.  I had mixed feelings from the beginning since my sweet boy was only nine weeks old at this time.  But, it really was my dream job!!!!!  I knew that if I were to get this job, I would be right where I wanted career wise.  So, I knew I owed it to myself to at least apply.  I took the plunge and applied for it and got an interview.

I anxiously went to the interview and it must have gone well because I received a phone call with a job offer!  I was so excited!  This was the job that all my "extra curricular" nursing activities for the past seven years had been preparing me for.   I had worked so hard to do things to "beef" up my resume for this chance!  It all had finally paid off.  I immediately accepted the job.

Then, it was time to face the reality that I would have to be gone from my sweet babies much more than I wanted.  I started wondering, did I make the right decision to take this job?  What was I thinking?  I wasn't really worried about Lily because she is my social butterfly.  I knew she would love going to preschool and playing with friends all day long.  It was my little man that I didn't want to have someone else snuggle with all day.  My heart was broken just thinking about it.  He was so little.  Then, I got to thinking about that awesome job that I wanted so bad, and I felt better about it for awhile.  I was utterly torn.  I did everything I could think of to justify me taking this job.  I weighed the pros and cons a million times.  Then the sleepless nights started.  Luckily, I was still on maternity leave and Caleb was waking up every few hours to eat anyway, but I still just stayed up worrying about the situation every night for almost a week.  Then, I thought if this is the right thing to do, why am I loosing so much sleep?

One especially anxious night,  I gave up on sleep at 2am and decided to just stay up to clean the entire house before Lily woke up.  I guess I tend to embrace the good thinking time that comes during the wee hours of the morning while scrubbing a toilet…  So, after much deliberation and even some tears, I called my boss bright and early that morning.  I asked her if I could keep my job even though I had already resigned.  Thankfully she said of course I could.  So, it was time to make the next phone call.  It was time for me to call someone that I knew I was going to love working for, doing my dream job and tell her than I could no longer follow through.

She was incredibly understanding.  I am so grateful for having the opportunity to meet her and really hope that maybe one day I will get another chance at that job, or a similar one.  I have to say that I felt a huge sense of relief when I finally made the decision to not take the job.  It just wasn't the right time.

So, that was what happened last fall.  I, of course, went back to work at my current job.  Like I said I have been able to spend almost every morning with my loves.  I know I am so fortunate to have been able to do that.  That is not to say that I have not thought about what life would have been with the dream job at least a hundred times.  But, like one of my friends recently reminded me "The right decision, at the wrong time, is the wrong decision."

There are a few little problems with my current situation though.  The biggest- I'm just physically tired.  I know I'm a wimp sometimes when it comes to sleep,  but I really love sleep!  The days I work are really long.  I wake up to feed Caleb usually around 5, then sometimes fall back into a light sleep until it is time to get up for good with Lily usually between 6:30-7.  I chase them around all day then go run up and down the halls of the hospital all evening.  By the time I get home from work, shower, and wind down it is usually at least 1:00 before I can fall asleep, then it all starts again.  While it has definitely been worth it, like I said I'm just tired.  Okay, so there is my pity party- sorry!

Next, Lily is definitely ready for preschool.  She talks about it all the time.  She loves other children so much and is always asking when she will be able to go to school.  I know she is going to love it.  My original plan was to wait until this fall and then try to change my schedule to dayshift because I really didn't see the point in sending her to preschool three mornings a week and me still staying up late working.  I might as well work while she is at school, right?

So, my good friend Lynn at work, who is so sweet to look after me and my scheduling wants and needs, called me a couple of weeks ago.  She said that my wonderful boss decided that I can have dayshift now if I want it!  If I don't want it now though, it could be a really, really long time before I might be able to get it.  So, it was time to make another decision.  Do something that may make my life a little easier but involve leaving my babies a little more, or not and stay doing what I am doing.  While I have still been a little uneasy about the decision, I do have much more of a peace about it this time than I did last time.  I think it basically has to do with the fact that my sweet boy, while still a baby, is not itty bitty like he was.  I know he will be ok.

So, starting in a few weeks, after a lot of thought and prayer, I made the decision that we will all embark on a new adventure.  They will be going to daycare/preschool three days a week and I will be working during that time…  I'm so happy for my sweet girl because I know she is ready and will learn so much and have a great time.  I'm happy for both of them because I truly believe they will benefit from having more people to care for them, learn from, and I know they will grow to love them also.  I'm happy for me because I will be on a more normal schedule and should be able to get a better sleep routine started.  I'm happy that I will have more time to focus on my career, which is very important to me.  I am sad though.  Sad that I will not see them quite as much.  Sad at the thought that I might (and probably will) miss something new, fun, and important…  I'm excited though because I think it will overall be the best thing for each of us.  At least, I hope and pray so…

So, I just thought I would share the changes in my life as it is right now.  While I will quickly say that staying in my current job, even on dayshift, is not my dream job, I am very grateful that I have it right now.  I have the privilege of working with some pretty amazing people.  I know that practicing as a nurse is another way I get to contribute to our family.  It allows me to contribute financially.  It provides a sense of balance in my life.  It is also a way that I can use my education and skills, that I have worked so hard to gain, to really make a difference in someone else's life.  I pray the right decision was made.  Change is so scary sometimes.  I guess change is eventually inevitable…we just get to choose to embrace it, or not…  I choose to do so, this time!

The Balancing Act...

BALANCE!  That is all I have to really talk about today.  Life seems to be all about finding the right balance between two things.  I feel as if I am constantly struggling to do this in seemingly every area of my life.

These are the things that I am trying to balance right now in my life…

Getting more much needed sleep….Getting up early to do much needed exercise
Eating healthy….My attempt at only occasionally indulging my addiction to soft drinks
Cleaning during the kids' nap time….Enjoying "me" time while I am ALL alone for a few minutes
Working extra to pay off bills and pay for other luxuries we enjoy as a family….Having quality family time without some of those luxuries
Strategizing (or rather, stressing about) future plans for our family….Enjoying the time with my family right now in the moment
Trying to get my house organized….Going to visit special friends and family on my days off
Looking for a new job that I may enjoy more….Enjoying and embracing the fact that I have a GREAT job right now

Oh yeah, and this week, even trying to balance literally being a blonde from being a brunette! (I'm somewhere in the middle now, LOL!)

These are just a few of my little internal dilemmas that I can think of off the top of my head.  I know all of these are things that I want.  They are mostly really great things!!!  However, in order to have the opposite, I must do the other only in moderation, or in some cases not at all.  They all make me happy to some degree.  But, the problem is I end up getting off balance and emphasizing one more than I should.  I then find myself not being able to fully enjoy each one as it is because I am thinking about the other.  I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom about creating a perfect balancing act, but I don't.  I just thought I would share what goes on in my head on a day to day basis.

What are you trying to balance in your life right now?  How do you keep yourself on track?

What God Taught Me While Putting on My Make-up This Morning

Nearly every morning we all wake up about 7:00 or so.  Well, I say that, but what I really mean is Lily wakes up, then wakes the rest of us up at 7:00 or so…  Anyway, while Chris is getting ready for work, I take the kids downstairs and we eat breakfast and hang out awhile until Caleb is ready to take his morning nap.  As soon as he goes down, I rush to jump in the shower and get myself and Lily ready for the day before he wakes up.  Sometimes I get lucky and he takes a nice long nap and I have plenty of time to get things done.  Sometimes, though he wakes up while I am still getting ready.  I normally stop what I am doing and go straight to get him up because I don't like to hear him cry.   The problem is that this normally doesn't really solve my problem because Caleb apparently is not too amused by sitting on the floor and watching me put on my make-up and dry my hair.  Unimpressed by the little toys I hand him to play with, he usually continues to fuss and just wants me to pick him up and hold him.

So, this morning as soon as I finished in the shower I heard him fussing in his crib.  I still had quite a bit left to do to finish getting ready including putting on my make-up, doing my hair, and getting dressed.  I knew that it would take me twice as long to get those things done with him up and fussing on the floor.  I would feel like I had to stop every other minute to make him happy.  So, I made the decision to just let him stay in the crib and fuss until I was done.  I knew that I would be able to accomplish my goal much more efficiently this way.  So, as I was listening to him cry, my heart was breaking.  I just hated it.  But, I knew that even though he was crying, he really would be ok.  I knew that these tears were temporary and I had to just let him cry so that my bigger goal could be accomplished.  I knew he didn't understand that I was not just letting him cry for the heck of it, but I knew I needed to remain focused on my bigger goal.  I still love him SO much and still heard every cry for help, even though I was letting him be sad for a few minutes.  As I was thinking all of this, that is when I heard God talking to me.  My eyes opened to the realization that sometimes God does the same exact thing with us as our Father, but in much bigger situations.

He also has an ultimate goal.  He loves us SO much, but He knows that sometimes He just has to let us cry to Him while He is working on His bigger plans.  He still hears our every cry and it breaks His heart. But, He knows we WILL be ok in the end.  If He wants to accomplish His goal, sometimes He has to let us endure things are we just don't plain understand.  In the end though, He will come to us, pick us up, wipe our tears away, and pour out more love than we could ever imagine!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

As always, please share with others if you feel led to do so!

Words...

So, if you have known me for awhile, I hope that you have found me to be somewhat of a quiet person that tries not to say too much about anyone or anything.  Probably not though…even though that has been my goal.  I know there are many times that I have opened my mouth in the past and got caught up in the gossip that goes around, even though I know I shouldn't.  Although I have dreadfully slipped up and have let hurtful words out of my mouth, I really do make an effort to embrace the old adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Anyway, all of this remains true to how I feel when it comes to random gossip.   As enticing as it is, I really don't want to get involved.  However, as I am quickly approaching the BIG 3-0!!!,  I have noticed that I am becoming much more opinionated on "worldly" issues and feel the need to talk, or in this case, write about them.  The quiet, reserved, scared to hurt anyone's feelings part of me tells me just to keep my thoughts to myself and not express my true feelings.  As I'm getting older, I am starting to see that some of these issues are really important and maybe my opinion on them does matter.  If I am feeling so strongly about something, maybe I should remember that I am not only am I entitled to express it,  but in some cases I am morally obligated to express it.  I actually could play a role in helping others form an educated opinion on the issue as well.  What is the point of being passionate about something if you can't share how you feel about it with others?  When I started this blog, I hesitated.  Why?  Because I knew that those who actually took the time to read it (which I truly appreciate) would immediately form an opinion of me based on what I am writing about.  I was willfully putting myself in a very vulnerable position.  This is a new and sometimes very uncomfortable thing for me.  I know that probably some people who might come across this may think I am crazy for feeling the way I do, saying what I am saying, and writing what I write. 

 With that said, I am now starting to realize that there are some things that I just need to say.  I certainly don't want to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, and I truly hope that I never do.  I pray that God will give me wisdom when it comes to choosing the words that come out of my mouth.  However, I know I will sometimes say something that others will disagree with.  Since I'm in the mood for old adages, I guess "That's what makes the world go 'round."  If you are ever reading this and hold differing opinions with anything that I write about, please choose to have an open mind and at least hear me out! I will always welcome a nice, peaceful discussion about whatever the topic may be.  I really am a very open-minded person.  I know that I am not always right. You may actually be able to change my views on something as well  :o)  I have a feeling that I am going to start writing about more "controversial" issues, so stay tuned and keep your mind open!! Thanks for reading, hopefully the words I say will be worth it!

Love like Jesus

I recently posted this on Facebook, but thought I should post it on here as well.  I know I need it as a constant reminder.  As I've learned over the past two and a half years, raising babies is hard work!  It takes lots of patience, smiles, hugs, and encouragement.  You often have to provide all of these with little sleep, little "me" time, and a lot of times in the midst of chaos.  Sometimes I feel like I say the word "NO" a million times in one day.  This makes me sad and I try my best to find other ways to correct that are more encouraging.  The days can be long, but I know the years are short.  Time is flying by and I only hope and pray that I am able to teach my sweet babies what is really important in life- to love Jesus and to love others like Jesus does.  I know the rest will fall into place if we do this.  Of course, as I teach them, I must pray that God will continue to teach this to me daily as well.


As I go though each day, my beautiful, precious, smart, and loving two year old is always right by my side. I love having her follow me around, nudge me for my attention, and watch everything I do as she is learning about life. Her little personality brings entertainment to every situation. She brings more joy than I could have ever imagined to my life. Sometimes though, I can't help but think, "I love her so much, but she is driving me nuts!!!" Tonight as she was stomping on the pictures I was attempting to place in frames and pulling the wrapping paper across the kitchen floor, I started to lose my patience. I regret to say that I allow this to happen far too often. As I started to fuss at her, I heard God whisper to me one of my favorite Bible passages. This was read aloud at my wedding and I try to make sure I always remember it in my marriage. Now, I ask God to help me always keep these words very close to my heart as I try my best to show these precious little ones what love really is each day.

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Booby Talk….The Good, Bad, Ugly…and Awesome about Breastfeeding

I've been thinking and debating for quite awhile about writing a post about something I am very passionate about.  Breastfeeding!  As it turns out, this topic can get people pretty stirred up.  So, before I say anything else at all, I want you to know that by writing this post I am in NO WAY trying to make anyone feel bad or guilty for not breastfeeding your child.  That would never, ever be my intention.  My sole purpose of even writing this is to simply promote it to those that may be considering it in the future.  I know that above all, it is most important that the baby is fed and gets the nutrients that they need.  I know that babies who get formula usually turn out just fine.   For what it is worth, I had formula after I was five months old and I like to think I turned out just fine, lol :o)  My husband had formula his whole babyhood, as did majority of my other family members.  So, this is definitely NOT a bash against formula.  But, I also know that it is a fact that breast milk is better in many ways for both the baby and mother.   So, I feel obligated to share my story and the information that I have learned since I first began to even consider my options for feeding my babies.

I remember the first time I ever even considered that there was a difference between formula and breast milk was when I was in nursing school.  I was sitting in class and the topic of the day was about breastfeeding.  Believe it or not, I think it was the first time I ever heard the words "Breast is best."  I was definitely not in the know about these kinds of things since I had yet to even consider having my own children.  I was actually almost offended that someone would say that.  Nearly everyone I knew gave their babies formula and did so for good reasons.  In most cases it was because they had to work and as far as I knew that was their only option.  I remember thinking something like, "Who is actually able to stay with their baby ALL the time to feed him or her?  Not that this would be bad, but really?  In America?  In the 21st century?  Most women have to work outside of the the home and this would just be impossible…"  But as I continued to listen, I was told all of the very valid reasons why breast really is best.  So after I left class for the day, I did have a new perspective on breastfeeding.  I thought it would be a good thing to do for a few weeks on maternity leave, but there is no way I could be able to do it for a WHOLE year!  I knew I would one day be a working mama and there would be just no way.

So, fast forward five or six years.  Chris and I decide that it's finally time!  We want a baby!  Six months later I was joining the June 2009 Birth Club on good old babycenter.com!!!  Now, I am almost embarrassed by the vast amount of time I spent (and still spend) on this website.  Amongst the drama that is sometimes found in this subculture of the internet, I have to say that my eyes were opened to a whole new world about all things baby.  As I spent more and more time engulfed in the things people were writing about and asking questions about, I kept seeing more things about breastfeeding.  I figured that it would be a good time to consider the option again.  The more I read about breastfeeding, the more of a good idea it seemed.  I thought, maybe I can do this!  I learned all about breast pumps and the legal rights that women have to take breaks at work to use them! So when the time came for me to create my baby registry at Target, I took the plunge and put the Medela Breast Pump on there!  Why was this such a big deal?  Because they are not cheap!  I think mine was almost $300!  My mom thought I was crazy and asked how much I really planned on using something like that.  When I told her for a year, she just laughed and said ok... Well, if you know me well, when someone thinks I won't be able to do something and lets me know it, it makes me want to do it really, really bad!!!

When Lily arrived I was all ready to breastfeed her!  I thought…  I guess I didn't read quite enough about how HARD it can be in the beginning!!   I did however read (from apparently a not so credible source) that babies don't really need to eat right away.  So, after she was born, I did not rush to try to nurse her.  In fact, I let her get checked over, bathed, etc.  Next thing you know it was time to move to the Mother Baby Unit.  When we arrived there, I had to get assessed, Lily had to get assessed, the doctors came to see both of us, and I had lots of guests.  These are all very nice and necessary things, but I did not know that waiting to feed my baby until after all of them happened would be setting me up for such a difficult road ahead.  I had no idea what I was doing trying to feed her and Lily had no idea either.  There were many nice nurses that worked with us for literally hours the day she was born, but we just weren't catching on…  I remember thinking why did God let breastfeeding be so difficult?  Isn't it supposed to come natural?  It was anything but.  I was worried her sugar would drop too low, so the night she was born I fed her a tiny bit of formula.  We kept trying, she just couldn't latch.  I pumped colostrum and gave it to her in a syringe.  I was discouraged, but never gave up.  Finally, the nurse gave us a nipple shield to try and she got it!!!!  I thought we had hit the jackpot!  We were set!  We made it home and things were going pretty good.  It was still taking her almost an hour to eat and that was every 2-3 hours…  The nipple shield was annoying, but whatever, she was eating.  That is what mattered most.

A few days after she was born, I decided to try out the breast pump.  I pumped for the first time.  It went pretty good.  It took me about ten minutes to pump and then Chris got to feed her the bottle for the first time.  And that little booger gobbled that bottle down in less than ten minutes!!!  It took me a whole hour to feed her sometimes and she just ate that darn bottle in ten minutes!!!!!  Again, if you know me well, I'm very into time management and this just wasn't cool.  So, after a few days of pumping here and there, I decided I wanted to be an "exclusive pumper."  I figured I could pump in ten minutes, feed her in ten minutes and be done!  Now that is good time management.  So I went to Best Start Parenting and bought everything I would need to do this for the year I was planning on doing it for.  The nice lady there tried her best to talk me out of it, but I of course was not in the mood to listen.  She encouraged me to keep trying to nurse, that it would work out!  But, I had my mind set. So I went home and got started.  I pumped every three hours for almost two weeks.  After this "little" amount of time I was already fed up with it and ready to shoot myself.  This sucked!  Then, my good friend Elizabeth encouraged me to try again with the nursing.  So I went to Target and bought another nipple shield.  It worked, she nursed again!  Now she was bigger and stronger and it was working.  I was even able to wean her from the shield!

The story isn't over yet…. now without the shield, things got bad…ugly!!  I won't go into too many details but just think these two words- cracked and bleeding.  And the pain- I can honestly say it was worse then my pain med free labor and delivery.  Luckily it was only for about twenty seconds every time she would start to eat.  If you have ever tried to nurse and didn't have a baby with the right kind of latch you know what I mean.  Well, after another few weeks of walking around topless and hoping that air and neosporin would heal me between the feedings, it happened- things started getting better!!!  Finally!!  I was nursing my baby when she was hungry- she was getting food and it didn't hurt me!!!!  And, it was only taking her about 20 minutes to eat!!!

So, that was the beginning of fourteen beautiful months of nursing my baby girl.  While beautiful, like I said, it was definitely not always smiles.  The pumping at work and whenever I needed to be away from her during the day was not always fun.  In fact, it did pretty much suck a lot of the time.  But, in the end it was all worth it.  Things also got rough when her top teeth came in- just use your imagination.  But again, it all worked out.  For awhile I was counting down until her first birthday so I could be done.  I was so over it.  The week of her birthday I began to wean her.  Then the night before she turned one I turned into an anxious, emotional, ball of nerves.  I really didn't know why at first.  Then, I realized it was because our special bonding time was almost over.  So, after all that I decided that we both weren't quite done yet.  So for a couple more months I continued to nurse her.

It was quite a roller coaster ride that I know that some people can relate to.  I wouldn't change it though.    When Caleb was born, I never considered not nursing him.  I educated myself on how to make it work easier so that I wouldn't go through what I went through in the beginning with Lily.  I nursed him when he was only minutes old.  He latched on right away and ate, and ate, and ate.  He still eats a ton!  I was sore with him also, but not as much, and it got better fast.  Overall, it has been a breeze this time around.

So, I want to leave you with this.  While breastfeeding is HARD work, it pays off in so many ways.  Here are just a few of the many reasons that scientifically prove that "Breast is Best."

1.  Most importantly- better for baby!  Not only does it provide the perfect balance of nutrients, it provides very important immunities against many common childhood illnesses- GI bugs, ear infections, respiratory infections, etc.  It decreases the chance of developing allergies, lowers risk of obesity and related diseases, and may lower the risk of SIDS.  These are a few among the many advantages to the baby.
2.  Decreases the mother's risk of breast and ovarian cancers, as well as the risk of postpartum depression.  Also, another favorite reason for me is that it is a great way to lose that baby weight!!  Breastfeeding burns about 500 extra calories a day!
3.  It's FREE!!!!  You will need to buy a pump and other supplies if you work, but it is still much cheaper than a year's worth of expensive formula!!!
4.  The milk is with you wherever you go!  No need for making bottles in the middle of the night, just pull out the boob and you are set.  I admit nursing in public can be tricky and overwhelming at times, but there are ways to get around it if you are creative.
5.  If you hate having your period, you probably won't get it back for at least several months, maybe not until you stop breastfeeding.
6.  It makes for great birth control for at least the first six months, as long as you don't supplement.

If you do a google search you will find even more reasons.  There really are a ton!

Thanks for reading my story.  It is very personal, but I think it is important to share my struggles and triumphs so that it might help someone else decide that it is worth it.  I would tell everyone to give it at least six weeks before giving up.  I know that pointing out all the hard times might not help my intention to promote breastfeeding, but I did not want to make it seem like it is always easy.  There are many resources out there to help as well.  Lactation Consultants are great, I probably should have called one! I've heard tons of people say that it is hard, but not one that I can remember saying they regretted in the end.